


Merry Christmas

by JustineLark



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Angst and Humor, Canon Compliant, Gen, Post Episode: s04e06 Yverdon-les-Bains, Script Format, Series 4 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 10:06:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustineLark/pseuds/JustineLark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They're going to let me know."  And then...<br/>My vision of the final episode.  Which I thought, back in early 2013, would be a 2013 Christmas special, but can you believe they made us wait until Christmas 2014!?<br/>Having just listened to John Finnemore's brilliant "Zurich," I will say that I still think mine is worth reading and makes a fitting end to the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: March 21

**Prologue: March 21**

Arthur: Skip, while we were flying the most brilliant idea came into my head!

Douglas: Could you really call it brilliant if it got that badly lost?

Martin: Douglas!

Arthur: Well, I’m all better now, but you know how my mouth got all swollen up from the dragonfruit earlier?

Martin: Yes.

Arthur: And you’ve got a lot on your mind from not being sure whether you got a job offer or not.

Martin: Well, no, I am sure. I’m sure I _didn’t_ get a job offer.

Arthur: You didn’t get the job? But that’s… [tone of great joy] that’s terrible news!

Martin: No, I mean, I didn’t _not_ get the job.

[Arthur moans in distress from his incomprehension.]

Douglas: Allow me to clarify. Arthur, they didn’t reject him on the spot.

Martin: Yes. That’s right. They _didn’t_ reject me. And they _might_ accept me. It’s possible. So I am sure that I didn’t get a job offer. But I’m not sure that I _won’t_ get one. I very well might.

Arthur: You’re missing the point.

Douglas: Are we really?

Arthur: Yes! Isn’t it obvious? Swollen-up mouth. Dragonfruit. Martin worrying about the job offer. [pause, then speaking with great emphasis] Swollen-up mouth. Dragonfruit. Martin worrying— 

Douglas: I think you _might_ have to give us another hint.

Arthur: Harry Potter marathon!

[Martin and Douglas groan]

Carolyn [from off]: Arthur! The Hoover doesn’t run itself.

Arthur: Yes, Mum! Well, just think about it, please. You can let me know when I’m done. All right? All right!

\------------------------------------------------

Herc: Carolyn, may I speak to you in private?

Carolyn: Of course, but my answer hasn’t changed.

Herc: Not about that. 

Carolyn: What is it about, then?

Herc: In private?

Carolyn: Oh, very well.

[sound of two car doors slamming in succession]

Herc: Did you hear Martin say, “They’re going to let me know”?

Carolyn: Of course I did; I was standing right next to you.

Herc: Consider this. When I checked my phone just now, I had six texts and two emails from Switzerland. One of them was a mass email to the entire roster of Swiss Airways pilots!

Carolyn: About Martin?

Herc: Carolyn, they offered him a job on the spot. 

Carolyn: _What?_

Herc: Elise couldn’t believe it. She told Bernard and Chalout, and Chalout told Livingston and Livingston, well, you might as well paint it on the side of a bus at that point.

Carolyn: But what happened?

Herc: He got a perfect score on the technical exam. They only brought him in to accuse him of cheating, but the CEO was so impressed with how Martin conducted himself during the interview that he gave him the position right then and there.

Carolyn: The CEO? Impressed?

Herc: Carolyn. Martin just got the best news of his life, and yet he told us all that he did not.

Carolyn: Oh. Yes. He did do that. You’re sure? He got the job. Well, I suppose there’s only one thing for it.

Herc: What are you going to do?

[sound of car door slamming]

Herc: Carolyn!

\------------------------------------------------

Douglas: While Arthur is hoovering, would you care to take a little stroll with me?

Martin: Would I—

Douglas [firmly]: Come along.

[sound of footsteps on gravel]

Douglas: I’ve just received a very interesting email from an old friend named Michael Livingston. [pause] _Captain_ Michael Livingston.

Martin: Oh?

Douglas: Of _Swiss Airways_.

Martin: Oh.

Douglas: It seems everyone is talking about the young pilot who achieved an unprecedented one hundred percent on the technical exam, was rated as adequate on the simulator, told the interviewer he wasn’t very good at flying and refused to eat any muffins.

Martin: Are, are they?

Douglas: Funnily enough, despite all that, he is to be Swiss Airways’ newest First Officer. But you didn’t want to tell me?

Martin: I just, I needed some time to think it over before I said anything definitive to Carolyn.

Douglas: To _Carolyn_.

Martin: I would’ve told you. I wanted to.

Douglas: Well. I’m sure you had your reasons. But as the cat is now wandering freely at some distance from the bag, let me be the first to congratulate you, First Officer Crieff.

Martin: But I haven’t—

Carolyn [from off]: Martin! 

Martin [panicking]: She knows!

Douglas: _I_ didn’t tell her. I suppose it was Herc.

Martin: Douglas, what am I going to do?

Douglas: Lie back and think of England?

Carolyn: Martin, may I speak to you privately?

Martin: Carolyn, I’m _so_ sorry.

Carolyn: Douglas, would you mind—

Martin: Oh, he can stay. Everyone knows.

Carolyn: Well, then. Martin. You’ve been a fine pilot. 

Douglas: Has he?

Carolyn: You’ve been a good employee. Very dedicated. For these past five years. Working in very difficult circumstances. I couldn’t have asked for more. 

Douglas: Nor could you have given less.

Carolyn: But your services are no longer required. 

Douglas: Carolyn!

Carolyn: Douglas, hush. I don’t need your advice. 

Douglas: There’s a first.

Carolyn: Effective immediately. In lieu of notice I’m presenting you with this cheque for six weeks’ salary.

[crackle of an envelope being passed]

Martin: Six weeks’ salary?

Douglas: Carolyn, really! That’s just cruel.

Carolyn: Six weeks of your future salary. As a proud member of the Swiss Airways team. Herc is delighted, by the way.

Douglas: Oh, well, if _Herc_ is happy then all’s right with the world. 

Martin: Carolyn, I haven’t accepted the offer.

Carolyn: Yes, excellent negotiation tactic. Play it cool. Don’t jump right on the offer. Give them a chance to sweeten it. But as you no longer have employment at MJN—

Douglas: That’s one way to describe what he doesn’t have.

Carolyn: As you no longer have employment at MJN, this opportunity has come at just the right moment for you.

Martin: But what about MJN?

Carolyn: Martin, our operation is not large and my management style has tended, at times, to be rather informal, but when last I checked, the owner and CEO of MJN Air was Carolyn Knapp-Shappey.

Martin: Yes.

Carolyn: Not Martin Crieff. So the future of my company will be charted by me. And if I desire any input on matters aviational, I shall consult Captain Richardson.

Douglas: You what?

Carolyn: _Douglas_. I’m sure you agree that we wish Martin the very best as he departs for bigger and greener pastures, and we can manage quite well on our own.

Douglas [slowly]: Yes. Of course.

Martin: You’re firing me?

Carolyn: Do take care of yourself, Martin.

[sound of her footsteps retreating]

Martin: I can’t believe it.

Douglas: She seemed pretty certain.

Martin: That was my last flight on Gertie... My last flight with you... My last flight at MJN, and I didn’t even know it.

Douglas: It’s been an honour, Captain.

[sound of footsteps approaching rapidly]

Arthur: Chaps! Can we start with Philosopher’s Stone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more, I promise. Unless you think it's fine as it is?


	2. December 24

[bing bong]

Douglas: Lady and gentleman, this is Captain Douglas Richardson. I regret to inform you that as weather conditions prevent us from proceeding to Zurich, we will instead be arriving very shortly in Basel. Please remain seated in preparation for landing.

[sound of flight deck door opening]

Arthur: Oh, but Skip!

Carolyn: Arthur, come back here and sit down!

Arthur: Skip, we _have_ to get to Zurich!

Douglas: Arthur, we can discuss this when you are in your seat with your seatbelt fastened. That’s an order.

Arthur: Ooooh, it’s brilliant when you go all _captain-y_. It’s almost like that scene in _Air Force One_.

Douglas: Yes, _almost_. Now get back to the cabin.

[sound of Arthur yelping in surprise, falling over and crying out in pain]

Carolyn: Arthur, are you all right?

Arthur: Yes, I’m fine. Absolutely fine. That was a good one, Skipper.

Douglas: I’m very sorry, Arthur. I did tell you to remain seated.

Carolyn: Don’t bother Douglas, Arthur. He’s busy. [sound of seatbelt clicking (not like a dolphin)] Now think about what just happened. Why did you fall over?

Arthur: Because Douglas knows that I love surprise dips on Gertie even more than I love roller coasters?

Carolyn: No, dear. That was not a little treat for you. That was turbulence, and that is why we can not go to Zurich.

Arthur: But Mum! What about Herc and Martin? And Christmas? What about our stockings?

Carolyn: Herc and Martin are— well, Herc is a grown man. He’ll understand. And Martin too.

Arthur: No, he won’t. He’ll be awfully disappointed! Can’t we just—

Carolyn: Arthur, if it were possible to fly to Zurich, we would be flying to Zurich, not landing in Basel. But don’t worry. We can organize a car and drive to Zurich. It’s only about an hour and a half.

\----

Herc: Well, we knew this could happen.

Martin: Yes, I had just hoped that the storm would hold off until we got in.

Herc: Have you entered the new coordinates?

Martin: Yes, Captain.

Herc: I suppose you’d better break it to the others.

[bing bong]

Martin: Ladies and gentlemen, this is First Officer Crieff speaking. Captain Shipwright has asked me to inform you that unfortunately severe weather requires us to make a slight detour this evening. [sound of grumbling from the cabin] Swiss Airways has arranged for buses to meet us on the ground and transport you to your final destination. We do apologize for the inconvenience.

\---

[airport bustle, announcements being made in French, German and English over the tannoy]

Arthur: Skip! I mean, Martin! Mum, Skip, it’s Skip! I mean, Martin! It’s Martin, Skip!

Douglas: Martin? What are you doing here?

Martin: Douglas! Hello! We had to divert.

Carolyn: Ah, so did we.

Martin: We thought you would have landed in Zurich hours ago.

Carolyn: That was the plan, but Douglas—

Douglas: Yes, when God was giving out talent, I was so full up that He couldn’t manage to squeeze in punctuality. It’s just my cross to bear.

Carolyn: Yours and everyone unfortunate enough to need you to get them somewhere.

Arthur: But now we’re all here! We can be together here, because this is where we are!

Herc: Martin, they’re ready for you to move the plane into the hangar. Oh! Hello, Carolyn! Arthur, Douglas, we didn’t expect to see you here.

Carolyn: We were going to rent a car and drive to meet you in Zurich. But there are no cars available.

Arthur: But that’s okay, because you’re here!

Herc: We are here just at this moment, and it’s marvelous to see you, but Martin and I have to accompany our passengers on to Zurich.

Martin: No, Captain, you stay. Only one of us needs to go with the buses. You stay and have Christmas here with Carolyn and Arthur. And Douglas, of course.

Douglas: It’s a Christmas miracle.

Herc: Well, I suppose Martin is correct. Only one of us has to go. As Captain, however—

Martin: As the junior officer, it should be me. Besides, I have to get back to Zurich for the Amsterdam route at 13:00 tomorrow.

Herc: Fine. I’d love to stay.

Arthur: Brilliant! But Skip, I mean, Martin, we came to spend Christmas morning with Herc _and_ you.

Douglas: Speak for yourself. I came because we’re flying a party of skiers from Zurich to Lapland tomorrow. 

Martin: I’m sorry, Arthur. It can’t be helped. I’ve got to go. Happy Christmas, everyone!

Herc: Martin, when you’ve completed your duties in Zurich tonight, why don’t you drive back here and join us?

Martin: Drive? But you know I don’t—

Herc: In my car. [sound of keys jingling]

Martin: Herc, that’s very generous of you, but I have to get eight hours of sleep. If I drive here and then back to Zurich for takeoff, I’m not sure—

Douglas: I’ll drive you. That’ll buy you a little more time. And you don’t have to drive back. You can come with us on Gertie and then Herc will have his car here. As long as it’s okay for me to tag along on the bus with you and to drive Herc’s car.

Carolyn: Of course it’s okay.

Martin: Really, Douglas? But you’re flying tomorrow as well. You won’t have the proper amount of rest.

Douglas: That’s never stopped me before.

Martin: I know, but—

Herc: Martin, I believe that Captain Richardson and I have presented a plan that we expect you to follow. 

Martin: Yes, sir.

[pause]

Douglas: Can you make him say that again?

\----  
Martin: I have to thank you, again, for straightening out that little problem on the bus.

Douglas: My pleasure. I’m sure if the gentleman had realized that the elderly couple spoke Danish, he never would have made those remarks. 

Martin: Yes, I still don’t understand how you convinced them that he was recording an audiobook. But they told the cabin crew how much they appreciated the “nice English pilot,” and of course the crew thinks they meant me. So you’ve enhanced my reputation.

Douglas: Did I? I assure you it was quite unintentional. Yellow car.

Martin: What?

Douglas: I know you heard me.

Martin: Well, I saw it too, but I didn’t say "yellow car," because I didn’t know we were playing Yellow Car!

Douglas: Martin—

Martin: Yes, I know. “You’re always playing Yellow Car.” But I didn’t think _you_ were.

Douglas: Since you left, I’ve been spending a lot more time with Arthur than is healthy. It’s just so damn boring on the flight deck. He wore me down.

Martin: He does do that, doesn’t he?

Douglas: Anyway, I apologize. The point of my driving was for you to get some sleep.

Martin: I don’t think I can.

[pause]

Douglas: So, how’s the life of a Swiss Airways First Officer?

Martin: Oh, good. Good. Very good. 

Douglas: That good, eh?

Martin: I can’t complain. I literally have nothing about which to complain. Everything runs smoothly from dawn to dusk to dawn. Like clockwork. 

Douglas: Like a finely tuned Swiss watch, perhaps? You know all about those. 

Martin: I knew I hadn’t heard the last of that one. And of course it’s nice being nearer to Theresa.

Douglas: Royal romance still going gangbusters?

Martin: I wouldn’t put it that way, but if you must know, yes. She invited me for Christmas, and my family did too, of course, but as I’m so junior I have to work.

Douglas: Well, I’m happy for you.

[pause]

Martin: And how, how are things at, at MJN?

Douglas: I thought you were in touch with Arthur.

Martin: Yes, he emails, but most of the time it’s just animal videos that he came across on the Internet.

Douglas: I have no idea how Carolyn is managing, but as long as there are entries on the wall chart— just short haul now, of course— and fuel in the tank, and her signature on the dotted line of my paycheque, we’re still flying. 

Martin: That’s good to hear.

[pause]

Douglas: Book titles transformed into past-tense sentences?

Martin: What?

Douglas: Oliver twisted. 

Douglas: Jane erred.

Douglas: The secret gardened. 

Martin: I get it. Are we playing for any stakes?

Douglas: I don’t think I’ve got anything to offer you. I can't tempt you with cheese trays or walkarounds anymore. Or even with money.

Martin: Right. OK. Madame bovaried.

\----

Herc: I must admit that I had hoped that our Christmas Eve together would be rather more private.

Carolyn: I called everywhere, but there are no rooms at the inn. On Christmas Eve!

Herc: Who would have thought?

Carolyn: I sent Arthur to scour the gift shops for Toblerone before they shut down for the night. That should give us about twenty minutes of peace.

Herc: How lovely.

Carolyn: Because… I have something I want to say to you.

Herc: That sounds serious.

Carolyn: It is serious. It’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to, and I’ve been meaning to say for some time. But it had to be said in person.

Herc: Very well. I’m listening.

[pause]

Carolyn: I’m sorry, but when it comes down to it, I find that I just can’t.

Herc: You can’t? Can’t what? Carolyn, please don’t say that you can’t tolerate a long-distance relationship. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work. You know that. Because…

Carolyn: No, don’t!

Herc: I love you.

Carolyn: Anyway, that isn’t what I was going to say.

Herc: I’m sorry. Please continue.

Carolyn: That’s just it. I can’t. 

Herc: Did you say we had twenty minutes?

Carolyn: So I wrote it down.

Herc: What?

Carolyn: I… I had a feeling I might not be able to say what I need to say. So I wrote you a letter.

Herc: You surprise me. From the very first, I perceived that you were a woman who _could_ say whatever was on her mind.

Carolyn: But there are some things you’ve never heard me say.

Herc: I see. All right, give me that letter. [crackle of paper] “Dear Herc”—

Carolyn: No! Don’t read it out loud!

Herc: It’s my letter and I shall read it out loud if I choose. And I do choose, because if you can’t say these things, then at least I’m going to hear myself say them. “Dear Herc. You’ve been living in Zurich for six months. It was my intention to not mind a bit and to carry on as usual, but I’ve found that I don’t like it. I miss going for walks. I miss having dinner. I miss having breakfast. I miss listening to Mastermind and making fun of you for getting all the questions wrong.” Darling, has it ever occurred to you that I get the questions wrong on purpose, to entertain you?

Carolyn: You _would_ say that.

Herc: “I miss all those things, because, much as it pains me to say it, I love you.” Carolyn! I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear you say those words.

Carolyn: You haven’t heard me say them. Because I haven’t.

Herc: [clears his throat] Reading on! “I had hoped the passage of time would diminish these feelings, but such has not proved to be the case. Hence I can think of only one thing to do, and that is to ask you, Hercules Shipwright, to marry me.”

[pause]

Carolyn: Well?

Herc: You’re asking me to marry you?

Carolyn: And you expect me to believe that you get the Mastermind questions wrong on purpose?

Herc: Yes, that was a silly question. Your letter was very clear.

Carolyn: And?

Arthur: Mum! They have Toblerones I’ve never seen before! Look, they have individually wrapped pyramids!

Herc: I’ve told you, Arthur. Toblerone is _from_ Switzerland. You’re in the mother ship.

Arthur [reverently]: The mother ship!

Carolyn: Arthur, Herc and I were having a rather important conversation.

Arthur: Brilliant! What about?

Carolyn: It’s personal.

Herc: Your mother has asked me to marry her.

Arthur: Mum! Have you? Oh, that’s, that’s, that’s, that’s—I don’t even know what to call it!

Herc: “Brilliant”?

Arthur: No, it’s more than brilliant, but there isn’t anything more than brilliant, is there? Which is why I don’t know what to call it. How soon will you be moving in with us?

Carolyn: He hasn’t actually answered.

Herc: Yes.

Carolyn: Yes, you’re confirming that you haven’t answered, or yes, you’re saying yes?

Herc: _Yes._

Carolyn [sternly]: Hercules!

Herc: Please, call me Herc. Or your fiancé. Either will do.

Arthur: Hurray!

Herc: Carolyn, you’ve made me the happiest man in the world.

Arthur [shouting]: BEST. CHRISTMAS. _EVER!_

Herc: All right, perhaps the second happiest.

Arthur: When will you be moving in?

Herc: Well, I—

Carolyn: Wait, I have another letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did go to the Toblerone website to see what varieties are sold in Switzerland and are not available in the UK.


	3. December 25

Arthur: Chaps! Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for you to do our stockings.

Carolyn: It’s been hours. Arthur was beginning to worry.

Douglas: Martin fell asleep, and I knew it was important to him to get as much rest as possible, so rather than return here directly, I drove around. It worked on my daughter when she was a baby.

Martin: That’s what he says, but I think he got lost.

Douglas: Thanks for the loan, Herc. [sound of keys jingling] I’m afraid that I rather emptied the tank.

Herc: Douglas, on this particular morning there is nothing you could say or do that would upset me.

Douglas: _Really?_ So you don’t mind discussing that time in Tel Aviv when—

Martin: Douglas, stop. It’s Christmas!

Arthur: And Mum and Herc are getting married!

Douglas: I see. Fifth time lucky?

Martin: _Douglas!_ That’s wonderful news. Congratulations, both of you.

Herc: Thank you, Martin.

Carolyn: Which leads to certain other matters I have to discuss with the two of you.

Martin: The two of us?

Herc: Arthur, let’s go rustle up some coffee.

Carolyn: Douglas, I’m afraid that I have some difficult news.

Martin: I should really go and help—

Douglas: No, it’s all right, Martin. I have been expecting this, though I confess I didn’t expect Carolyn to make her announcement on Christmas Day.

Carolyn: How could you be expecting it?

Douglas: It’s the end of MJN, isn’t it? The boy cried wolf a few times, but finally the wolf _is_ at the door. Well, we had a good run. 

Carolyn: It’s not the end of MJN. Going forward, MJN will be on more of a sound footing than ever.

Douglas: But what’s difficult about that?

Carolyn: [deep breath] Douglas. Arthur… and I… and MJN…

Douglas: Yes?

Carolyn: Are moving to Zurich.

Douglas: Zurich!

Carolyn: Yes, to be with Herc. And I’ve run the numbers on MJN in every possible way and I’ve concluded that to remain a successful business—

Douglas: “Remain”?

Carolyn: Fine, to _become_ a successful business, I require two pilots.

Martin: But—

Carolyn: Please let me finish. I require two pilots, and I realize that by moving my company to Zurich, I may well have no pilots. So I have a question for each of you, and I only ask that you think it over before you give me your answers. Douglas, I would like you to move to Zurich and continue flying for MJN. Martin, I would like you to resume flying for MJN. Marrying Herc changes my financial situation. I can’t match your Swiss Airways salary, but I can offer you £18,000 a year, and as you know, you can take tips, which you can’t do in your current position.

Martin: You want me to come back to MJN?

Carolyn: Yes.

Douglas: Which of us is to be captain?

Carolyn: I’ve given that issue a lot of consideration.

Martin: And?

Carolyn: And I came to the conclusion that I really didn’t want to spend one more second considering. So I will leave it to you. Think it over, talk it over, and let me know whether you accept my offers and if so, how many stripes you’ll each be wearing.

Arthur: Coffees! Coffee for you, Douglas, and coffee for you, Martin. Oooh, I do love saying that.

Herc: Have you asked them?

Carolyn: I have.

Douglas: Herc, has it crossed your mind that she’s marrying you in order to rescue MJN?

Martin: Douglas!

Herc: Yes, but I’ll take it. Because…

Carolyn: No, don’t say it!

Herc: I love her.

[small sounds of protest from Martin and Douglas at having to hear this]

Herc: Now, let’s have some of that Toblerone you were telling us about, Arthur, and leave these chaps to hash things out.

Arthur: Brilliant!

Douglas: Well.

Martin: Indeed.

Douglas: Are you at all inclined to accept? Because she said two pilots, so there’s no point in my contemplating emigration unless—

Martin: You would be willing to move to Zurich?

Douglas: I don’t see why not. I believe the restaurant scene is a bit livelier than that of the greater Fitton metropolitan area.

Martin: But, your daughter?

Douglas: We are, after all, _pilots_. I presume we’d be back home most every week. But you’re at Swiss Airways now. Big planes, professional atmosphere, plenty of room for advancement. A real airline. It’s what you always dreamed of.

Martin: It is.

Douglas: Well, there you go.

Martin: But only because I gave up dreaming that Carolyn would pay me to fly for MJN with you. And I’d still be near Theresa. I never dared to imagine _that_.

Douglas: So you’ll do it?

Martin: Yes. If you will.

Douglas: And that other matter?

Martin: What other matter?

Douglas: Naturally you’d expect to resume your former position, as captain. Everything as it was. I can live with that.

Martin: You’re captain again now, and I’m a first officer. I assumed we would just keep it that way. It would certainly be less confusing for the clients.

Douglas: Maybe not so much anymore. Somehow, being a first officer has made you more like a captain than you ever were when you _were_ a captain.

Martin: Well, I don’t mind. 

Douglas: Nor do I.

Martin: But Carolyn expects us to decide.

Douglas: Tell you what, Martin. I’ll toss you for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love to know what you think about my first Cabin Pressure story!


End file.
